“i gotta be honest.. i think you know.. i’m covered in lies.. but that’s ok…… no never again…” it’s been 2 weeks since i’ve came back from the philippines.. and all the excitement of the trip has slowly faded and… normal life is slowly creeping back. so many things learned in the philippines.. so many things i changed.. but coming back.. i just find myself becoming who i was before. “can you make it easier.. for me to understand.. how you’re holding my heart, in your trembling hand..” you know.. they say.. history repeats itself.. and it just keeps repeating for me .. you keep making mistakes until you finally get it through your head .. and learn from them. i have so much to do today. so much to figure out. but i find myself.. just staring at my computer screen wondering.. why am i staring at my computer screen… i’ve been contemplating.. running around my block for.. hours now.. i laugh.. cause.. although i do a lot less exercise than when i was in the philippines.. i find myself losing weight here.. muscle weight? maybe.. probably.. pull ups are getting even harder to do. i turned veggie.. a week ago. and i haven’t been successful because i’ve made myself not eat meat.. it’s cause i haven’t been eating anything.. my grandmother.. who has decided to clean my house today… and rummage through all my stuff.. has been trying to make me eat all day. which.. is… not appealing to me. loneliness.. the lonliness i talked to elisa about.. i really didn’t feel it.. until today. i don’t know.. with all the noise around.. i should feel like i’m in the middle of some.. constructrion yard.. but.. i feel.. alone.. yesterday was a beginning and an end for me.. i’m a new person.. i hope. no more of the same mistakes.. “i’m a full grown man.. but i’m not… afraid to cry..” life is.. ironic.. huh.. life is so simple.. yet so complicating.. i don’t know how to explain it. “yeah.. whatever makes you happy.. yeah… whatever makes it beautiful..”

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