“… but there’s something beyond this, i know.. but i hope i can find the words to say.. never again.. no.. no never again…” this song again.. i just wrote about it.. 2 blogger posts ago.. but..before.. i just.. wrote it in .. cause i was listening to it.. but now.. it just.. understand what it means.. sometimes.. you run into people that can.. just.. reach into your body and grab at the very thing that keeps you going. your heart. and they can.. make it skip a beat.. or they can keep it from beating entirely. they can hold it and keep it warm.. or they can .. be cold and tear it apart. and it hurts.. unbelievably.. it hurts… without them knowing, they can do whatever they want with it. when they’re happy, you smile. when they’re sad, you cry. i gotta realize what i’m doing.. i gotta find out.. what’s wrong with me. i’m walking on very thin ice. there’s this analogy i told someone earlier today.. it was something like… i’m going toward a black hole.. as much as i want to pull away.. i’m gonna keep getting closer to it.. until.. it just ends up crushing me. i’m getting ready for .. a big.. let down. i’m getting closer to being crushed.. and i can already feel it.. i’m hurt. and it’ll only get worse… sigh.. what the hell am i doing? … is it time for me to.. truly listen to this song? “you’re a god, and I am not, and i just thought that you would know. you’re a god, and i’m not… and i just thought i’d let you go.”

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