i’m digging deep to have something profound and new to say.. but i’m coming up with blanks at the moment… i dig deeper and i come up with thoughts no one should be thinking about.. ‘i love you’ echoes in the back of my head. what the hells that mean? i had a dream last night, that i told a girl i hadn’t talk to .. in what seems like ages, that .. i loved her.. jibberish.. in the same dream my sister was 4 months pregnant. she’s been married only a month, i kept thinking in my head.. doesn’t make sense. love.. bah.. i don’t love anyways.. i don’t know the meaning of it. i’m incapable of it. i’m mean, stubborn, incapable of love .. which makes me.. lonely.. exhausted.. miserable. i’m too self absorbed to think about someone else.. too stubborn to think i’m wrong. too blind to see what’s passing me.

i’m stressed.. i feel like i’m being pulled in all directions… do you know where you go when you’re pulled in all directions.. no where.. absolutely no where.. and it’s just exhausting me.. i need to get up and move.. but this chair is just too comfortable. i haven’t exercised in.. since last .. friday.. but i’ve lost, 4 pounds? go figure, what does that mean.. i’m starting to be more mature. i’m growing up now.. but i don’t like who i’m turning into. i’ve got plans but i’m not following them…

i’m.. too scared to get close to people because i’m afraid they’ll hurt me

i’m being hurt by people because they’re not getting close to me..

how do you get out of cycle like that?…