wow.. seems like a long while since i’ve written here… it’s not like i’ve been too overly busy to actually write something.. but.. i don’t know.. i haven’t even been compelled to actually write something. didn’t sign on to blogger. i don’t even want to write anything now.. but hmm.. here i am.

i finally changed my brake on sunday.. i’d been stressing about them for such a long time. afraid i was hurting my car.. i know every once in a while.. when i slowed down, my brakes would make a loud grinding noise.. yah.. that’s not good…. now.. i just need a haircut… i’ve been.. stressing about that too.. i haven’t cut my hair for… hmm.. 2 months now i think.. i think i got it cut.. right after valentines day.. so.. yah.. it’s not quite two months but it’s close to there.. it’s actually kinda weird seeing how long my hair is. or rather how much of it i have.. i have to buy new gel. my tub is empty again.. i don’t get how i use it up.. but yah… shrug..

i have to decide on whether or not, i’m going to play in the praise for the salt retreat in a couple weeks.. it’s probably not a question of if i’m going to be there.. like sheep i think i’m always herded to go.. but.. it’s.. i don’t know if i’m comfortable with my playing yet. i have a hard time.. just playing for God.. realizing it doesn’t matter how i sound cause it for God.. i mean.. if i had that really drilled in my head… i wouldn’t be so tentative.. when i sing and stuff.. i don’t know.. i have to decide by wednesday..

seems like i saw a lot of jina and jooree last week. which is always great.

they re-opened live oak park.. well.. the basketball courts aren’t open yet.. but the grass area is open.. and they have the most nicest grass. so soft. it feels like.. if you were to roll around in it.. astroturf.. none of that crab grass or anything just the soft stuff. jina and i played catch on it.. it’s like.. your feet just want to bounce when.. you run on it… ok ok.. i know it’s weird that i’m so amazed by grass.. but whatever.. it was nice ok?…

baseball season finally came.. i’ve got high hopes for my dodgers.. i think they’ll win the wild card this year… i’ve got high hopes for my fantasy baseball team… though.. i’ve already sufferd.. 6 injuries and one suspension.. it feels like.. i don’t have a bench at the moment.. i’m currently in last place.. i joined the rosemead fantasy league.. but i’m not getting into that as much… though i played softball with rosemead last weekend…

man.. that was fun.. i think there was 11 players on each team.. anyways.. i batted left handed for the first time since.. i started batting lefthanded at the batting cage… hmm.. i had.. two hits in 4 at bats.. not so great.. but i did.. kill a ball down the right field foul line in one of my at bats.. and.. i made some nice catches in the outfield too.. overall.. great day for some baseball… rrr… softball.. though…

i did get into a fight with jooree there.. it didn’t seem like a big deal at first.. but.. shrug… i realized.. i can be a pretty mean guy… i’ve .. written about this before… jennifer once told me.. actually she tells me .. pretty often that.. she sometimes feels like crying because of how mean i am to her.. i guess … that’s kinda how jooree felt on saturday.. i don’t know why though.. i have this tendency to.. be really mean to people closest to me.. like.. jennifer.. or.. sunny.. man i used to get so mad at sunny.. but it’s only when i’m with them around other people.. when it’s just me and them… i’m.. the nicest guy.. you know?…

it’s weird cause.. i’m only like that with a couple people.. like.. hmm.. i’m nice to jina all the time.. most of the time.. and jullie too…

but.. jooree.. the way i was laying it on her last saturday.. i didn’t even realize it.. until she didn’t fight back.. which is the weirdest thing for her.. i usually can go forever and she’ll try to bite my head off after.. but this time.. it was.. just… sigh… different… i feel terrible. and ever since then, i’ve been watching everything i’ve been saying with everyone.. and i keep telling myself.. man.. that’s mean..

i’m sorry jooree…

i don’t know if you even care about it anymore but i’m sorry.. i don’t know why i was being mean to you.. i don’t know why i did the things i did.. shrug… you know deep down i really do care about you. i don’t wanna hurt you anymore.. i’ll stop.. k?

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