The flapping of a single butterfly’s wing today produces a tiny change in the state of the atmosphere. Over a period of time, what the atmosphere actually does diverges from what it would have done. So, in a month’s time, a tornado that would have devastated the Indonesian coast doesn’t happen. Or maybe one that wasn’t going to happen, does. (Ian Stewart, Does God Play Dice? The Mathematics of Chaos, pg. 141)

last week.. leaving church to go eat, the last second, gloria decided to come to alhambra with us. entering the freeway, instead of cutting in front of a car into the one lane, i decided to slam on my breaks to wait for gloria. if i had not stopped for the 5 seconds at the entrance for gloria, i would have exited the freeway on garfield at a different time. i would have not at one point been followed by a mercedez benz. the benz would not have hit me. if gloria hadn’t gone home, maybe she would have gotten hit.

eh… why dwell on what ifs? i came out of watching the butterfly effect with a thought in my head. maybe God makes me get into bad things so i avoid even worse things later. maybe he doesn’t give me the things i need, because i shouldn’t have them. maybe he doesn’t get me hooked up with the perfect girl, cause there’s a more perfect one down the road. i think ultimately.. God always gives us the best route. so there’s nothing really to complain about… things could always get worse. things will eventually always get better.

i’m tired. yes, i’m taking 7 o’clock classes. i’m also taking a class that goes from 7-10 pm. don’t ask why on either. because i’ll tell you. 7 in the morning cause i felt i should motivate myself to wake up earlier in the mornings. 7 at night because i figure an astrology class should take place… when there’s stars out. i’ve been getting 4 hours of sleep a night

my car’s estimated to be in the shop for 3 weeks.. it’s estimated to cost about 5k. that’s a lot for a bumper and a trunk. glad i’m not paying for it.

i think i talked to two people online this week. when i get home, i’m too tired to have a conversation that won’t help me tomorrow. actually aim really bores me these days.

i think.. with the combination of lack of sleep, pcc parking traffic, the car accident, the loss of my car, the busy schedule among other things, i’ve been highly irritable lately. i can hardly stand mindless chitchat. honestly, don’t ask me how i’m doing. obviously, i’ll say alright. or good. i’m no’t going to waste my time explaining why my day is a bad or awesome or whatever in between. if i wanted you to know, you’d already know. (except andy who i just assume already knows all the time and therefore forget to tell) i won’t ask you how your day was because i don’t have the patience nor the attention to listen.

i should sleep now.. i need to go to school early in the morning before church. i’ll probably be more irritable tomorrow. causing me to bite someone’s head off. causing me to do something rash. causing me to feel regret. eh.. or not.. we’ll see

no.. i’m not really in a bad mood.

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