i was thinking the other day about something jina said to me. she said.. something like.. “isn’t it funny how easy it is to just move on? things that seem important to you, don’t seem to be important after a time…” and remembering what she said.. under my breath i said… “God, i hope that’s not true”

and i thought…. am i using the word God as slang.. or am i actually directing my statement to Him. i then realized.. (not just realized) that i’m always talking to God. i’m always asking Him why this and why that in my head. have you ever looked at me sitting alone somewhere, seeming like i’m zoning out? i bet you at least half the time, i’m having a conversation with God.

“o God, why!?” no, really.. why…

at times i wonder if it’s a one way conversation or two.

i think i have a high reliance on God. and i think i have a high trust in God. like right now my dog was barking all morning and i said.. “Can you make her stop that?” and she barked once and stopped. now.. maybe it’s coincidence.. but my stay in the philippines has told me there’s really no such thing as coincidences.

i don’t know if my reliance is always a good thing though. i trust God so much at times that i end up doing nothing. “I know God will pull me through it” well.. i know He will.. so why do something.. “God helps those that help themselves,” jina said to me. i suppose…