i’m stressed.. i feel like i’m being pulled in all directions… do you know where you go when you’re pulled in all directions.. no where.. absolutely no where.. and it’s just exhausting me.. i need to get up and move.. but this chair is just too comfortable. i haven’t exercised in.. since last .. friday.. but i’ve lost, 4 pounds? go figure, what does that mean.. i’m starting to be more mature. i’m growing up now.. but i don’t like who i’m turning into. i’ve got plans but i’m not following them…
i’m.. too scared to get close to people because i’m afraid they’ll hurt me
i’m being hurt by people because they’re not getting close to me..
how do you get out of cycle like that?…
– may 22, 2002
… seems i’m still that kid that can’t love …
blogger has a new format. i don’t particularly like it.. but it does allow you to see old posts pretty easily.. so.. i decided to write about a post that happened around this time two years ago..
what i found rather interesting about this dream i had is… well.. my sister is 9 months pregnant now.. and.. actually if i count back 5 months from now to when my sister was 4 months pregnant.. i did tell some one that i love them.
anyways.. here’s another post around the same time, just last year
you can spend it .. endlessly calling someone’s voicemail.. or.. enjoying a nice conversation with someone you just met.. or you can spend it telling one of the most closest people to you.. to fuck off.. and see your perfect world suddenly tumble into chaos…
i’ve.. made a lot of mistakes in my lifetime… i make so many more every day…
what’s going to happen tomorrow night..
– may 15, 2003
i really didn’t know what to write about..
but this post sums up how i feel so well right now..
right now i’m so furious at God.
i don’t understand what he’s doing
i don’t understand what i’m suppose to be doing.
i don’t understand
“everything… happens.. for a reason”
“not my will but yours be done”
i’m just not ready…