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late nights early mornings

i sleep with my glasses on.
some times, i keep my jeans on too.
the tv’s sleep gets set for 30
on my bed, computer parts, a remote,
my towel, three pillows.
a monkey sleeps next to me.
pepsi cans scatter my desk.
a hardly opened calculus book hides in the corner.
a trash can overflows.
empty boxes full of peanuts

i sleep with my computer on.
the sound of fans fill the air.
blues and reds dance together
a lone car speeds past my window
the echoes bounce on my empty walls.
did i say my goodbyes?

i sleep with my lights on,
in hopes that it’ll stop time.
day peeks through my windows.
fear creeps into my heart.
too much to do, too little done
too late to worry about tomorrow.

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tell the world that…

laureenthemean: I also find myself doubting the existence of god
laureenthemean: I now consider myself agnostic
TIMe ToIM TIM: i see
TIMe ToIM TIM: for me..
TIMe ToIM TIM: it’s unfathomable that God exits
TIMe ToIM TIM: exists
TIMe ToIM TIM: what i question
TIMe ToIM TIM: is.. does he care about my life
laureenthemean: the founding fathers believed that he existed, but didn’t necessarily control our everyday lives
laureenthemean: I don’t know
TIMe ToIM TIM: i mean.. doesn’t exist
laureenthemean: I guess I haven’t seen any proof
TIMe ToIM TIM: i think you got that
TIMe ToIM TIM: i think..
TIMe ToIM TIM: there’s too much harmony in the world for there not to be a god
laureenthemean: is there?
laureenthemean: I don’t know
laureenthemean: some of the nicest people I know are atheist
TIMe ToIM TIM: in chaos there’s order
laureenthemean: some of the most horrible people I know are Christians
TIMe ToIM TIM: that means nothing
TIMe ToIM TIM: being christian doesn’t mean you’re a nice person
laureenthemean: no, but it should
laureenthemean: I don’t see that God has made a difference in their lives
TIMe ToIM TIM: being atheist doesn’t mean you’d be selfish
TIMe ToIM TIM: it’s not connected
TIMe ToIM TIM: well.. not directly
laureenthemean: alright, maybe not the atheist thing
laureenthemean: but I don’t see a difference between Christians and non
laureenthemean: shouldn’t there be?
TIMe ToIM TIM: the difference, i believe, is in the person
laureenthemean: what do you mean?
TIMe ToIM TIM: hmm..
TIMe ToIM TIM: i can say that i’m a surfer
TIMe ToIM TIM: i can buy an expensive board
TIMe ToIM TIM: put a rack on my car
TIMe ToIM TIM: buy a wetsuit
TIMe ToIM TIM: know where to surf
TIMe ToIM TIM: but…
TIMe ToIM TIM: until i get in the water
TIMe ToIM TIM: and paddle
TIMe ToIM TIM: and.. fight through the current
TIMe ToIM TIM: and… sit there
TIMe ToIM TIM: and wait
laureenthemean: I don’t quite follow your analogy
TIMe ToIM TIM: feel the wave
laureenthemean: so you think
TIMe ToIM TIM: catch it
TIMe ToIM TIM: .. that’s when i’m a surfer
laureenthemean: people aren’t “true christians” until they try to change?
TIMe ToIM TIM: yes
laureenthemean: they dont’ merely have to believe and try?
laureenthemean: I think
TIMe ToIM TIM: umm..
laureenthemean: it’s in the person’s personality
TIMe ToIM TIM: if you believe and try.. you’d try to change
laureenthemean: and it doesn’t matter whether or not they believe in god
TIMe ToIM TIM: for me.. i see a lot of people with surfboards
laureenthemean: some people were born into the right family, raised the right way, with morals and ethics, and the tendency to follow them
TIMe ToIM TIM: but… not a lot of surfers in christianity
TIMe ToIM TIM: i think you’re confusing morality with christianity
laureenthemean: being a good person
laureenthemean: what is christianity, then?
TIMe ToIM TIM: following Christ
laureenthemean: why aren’t christians good people?
TIMe ToIM TIM: christians should be good people
TIMe ToIM TIM: doesn’t mean.. christians are good people
laureenthemean: I know that
laureenthemean: but why?
laureenthemean: why aren’t they?
laureenthemean: shouldn’t they be?
TIMe ToIM TIM: because… like i said.. they don’t surf
laureenthemean: don’t they have the motivation?
laureenthemean: but don’t you think that it’s just harder for some people than others?
TIMe ToIM TIM: o
TIMe ToIM TIM: most definitely
TIMe ToIM TIM: most definitely
laureenthemean: if you grew up in an abusive household
laureenthemean: or something
TIMe ToIM TIM: for sure
laureenthemean: then what difference does it make?
TIMe ToIM TIM: what do mean?
laureenthemean: what is the point in believe in God
laureenthemean: believing
laureenthemean: if it doesn’t change you
TIMe ToIM TIM: but it should
laureenthemean: but it doesn’t
TIMe ToIM TIM: no, it does
TIMe ToIM TIM: if you truly believe
TIMe ToIM TIM: honestly
laureenthemean: do you honestly think that you do certain things because of your belief?
TIMe ToIM TIM: being christian
TIMe ToIM TIM: doesn’t make life easier for an individual persay
TIMe ToIM TIM: but… knowing that there’s hope
TIMe ToIM TIM: that there’s something better
TIMe ToIM TIM: that’s hwo it makes things easier
laureenthemean: you don’t have to be christian to believe that
TIMe ToIM TIM: yah, you do
TIMe ToIM TIM: well.. you have to believe in a God
laureenthemean: some people try to be good people in the hopes that they will make the world a better place, or that they will be happier in doing so
laureenthemean: it has nothing to do with god
TIMe ToIM TIM: yah
TIMe ToIM TIM: and?
laureenthemean: so you don’t have to believe
laureenthemean: to change
laureenthemean: I mean, you don’t have to believe in a higher power
TIMe ToIM TIM: i’m not arguing that
laureenthemean: you said you have to be christian to believe there’s “something better”
laureenthemean: I’m not entirely sure what you meant, or what your point was
TIMe ToIM TIM: hmm..
TIMe ToIM TIM: i never said… you have to be christian to believe there’s something better
TIMe ToIM TIM: i said.. i believe in christianity because i think there’s something better
laureenthemean: ah
laureenthemean: but what is the point in being a Christian?
TIMe ToIM TIM: hope
laureenthemean: you dont’ have to be a Christian for that
TIMe ToIM TIM: yes, we went over this
laureenthemean: I mean, I guess one would think that someone might become a Christian because he or she is so moved by what God supposedly does for us
TIMe ToIM TIM: every day i don’t die, i thank God
laureenthemean: and so you might want to be more like him in appreciation
laureenthemean: not everyone does
TIMe ToIM TIM: i understand that
laureenthemean: not everything is thankful for their life, and some people curse God for it
laureenthemean: everyone
TIMe ToIM TIM: and i’m sure their views on christianity aren’t very solid
laureenthemean: as far as I know, I haven’t seen anyone change because of Christianity
laureenthemean: I don’t see the difference He makes in anyone’s life
TIMe ToIM TIM: hmm..
TIMe ToIM TIM: i just turned on my porch light
laureenthemean: I think everyone at church is a hypocrite, and I’m tired of being one of them
TIMe ToIM TIM: did you see it?
laureenthemean: I’m not at home
TIMe ToIM TIM: but i just turned it on
laureenthemean: it’s not the same
laureenthemean: other people can see it
TIMe ToIM TIM: but it’s on nonetheless
laureenthemean: so?
laureenthemean: I have no reason to believe you
laureenthemean: in fact, I don’t
TIMe ToIM TIM: that’s fine
TIMe ToIM TIM: you don’t have to believe me
TIMe ToIM TIM: but… my porch light is on
laureenthemean: but it would be stupid of me to blindly believe you without any proof
TIMe ToIM TIM: it’s just a porch light
laureenthemean: so I should believe you because it’s insignificant?
TIMe ToIM TIM: you don’t have to believe me
TIMe ToIM TIM: but.. it’s on
laureenthemean: okay…
TIMe ToIM TIM: i don’t even need to convince you
laureenthemean: if it doesn’t matter, then who cares whether it’s on or not
TIMe ToIM TIM: well… it might matter to me
laureenthemean: but if it doesn’t affect me, then why should I care
TIMe ToIM TIM: you don’t have to care
laureenthemean: should you try to get me to care?
TIMe ToIM TIM: no?
laureenthemean: are you trying to make an analogy here?
laureenthemean: because it’s a bad one
TIMe ToIM TIM: i’m just saying.. my porch
light is on
laureenthemean: oh
laureenthemean: okay then
TIMe ToIM TIM: there’s people out there being changed because of God
laureenthemean: I haven’t seen it
TIMe ToIM TIM: that’s possible
laureenthemean: I don’t know how christians expect others to become christians
laureenthemean: I’m trying to be open-minded about this
laureenthemean: but I don’t see any compelling reason to believe in God
TIMe ToIM TIM: i can’t give yo ua reason to believe
TIMe ToIM TIM: i can tell you why i do
TIMe ToIM TIM: but… that’s no reason for you to
laureenthemean: why do you believe?
TIMe ToIM TIM: though, i do hope someday you do
laureenthemean: how do you know he exists?
TIMe ToIM TIM: =)
TIMe ToIM TIM: it’s a long story

0

no diet

i’ve lost 7 pounds in the last 2 months. here’s my diet.

“no” cash – i’ve made it a habit to not carry cash around. i usually only carry enough change to pay for parking. it prevents me from getting that pepsi when i walk past a vending machine or buying that bag of flaming hot fries that are calling to me. at one point, i averaged at least one pepsi a day. sometimes, two. adding it up, that’s almost 2 pounds i need to burn a month simply to maintain my weight. a bag of flaming hot fries has 600 calories.

“no” stress – i tend to binge eat sweets when i’m stressed. or drink coffee or pepsi. biting into a snickers bar makes me happy. the less stressed i am, the less happy food i need to eat. i’m not saying i don’t stress as much though. i still stress, but now, i have take the mentality that i can pull through it.

“no” susan – “hey tim, i’m hungry.” ever since susan left, i’ve almost completely eliminated midnight runs to in-n-out, denny’s, etc etc. sure, i still go every once in a while. i just went yesterday with joe… but it’s far less frequent and far between.

i’m hoping i can keep this up and drop another… 6 pounds by january. 12 by summer. we’ll see how it goes.

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comments

comment sidebar slight change

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memories

there’s this memory that keeps popping in to my head

i’m five or six. possibly seven. in class, i receive a paper cutout of a medium size spider. on the spider is the nursery rhyme:
“little miss muffet
sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey
along came a spider
and sat down beside her.
and frightened Miss Muffet away.”

my sister used to study on a good size brown 3 foot square table in the middle of her 7′ by 7′ room. on the table was an american flag colored with some sort of marker, possibly white-out.

the night i get the cut out paper spider, i crawl into my sister’s room under this brown table. 4 skinny metal legs support it’s weight. then i proceed to say… “little miss muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. along came a spider…” then i throw the paper spider on top of my sister’s table.

she lets out a ear-piercing scream.

i laugh my head off.

i retrieve my spider.

then.. i start once again.. “little miss muffet, sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey. along came a spider….” again i throw the cut out of a spider onto my sister’s table.

again.. she screams

again i laugh my head off.

i retrieve the spider.

i don’t recall how many times i do this, but every time i do, my sister, on queue, let’s out a scream.

thank you.

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bj’s brewhouse

BJ’s Brewhouse
400 E. Huntington Dr.
Arcadia , CA 91006
626-462-1494

pizza – check
pasta – check
ice cream – check
sports – check
what more could i want?

first impressions:
– what game is on?
– do those things (the beer making things), do they work?
– no, i would not like to sit at the bar.

the review:
this restaurant is probably one of my top ten favorite restaurants. over the years, i think i’ve had two birthday parties here. i’m not sure why i even look in the menu; i always get the same thing.

jennifer and i had a lunch here and i think it was the first time i’ve done that.

i got lunch portion of pasta which came with either soup or salad. when given the option, i tend to always get the soup. minestrone is usually the only soup i can eat. (claim jumpers has a potato cheese that i love). although i do enjoy minestrone, the taste sometimes reminds me of stomach acid. (i feel the same way about marinara sauce). it probably has to do with the tomatoes. bj’s minestrone isn’t as acidic.

i think i’ve been to bj’s at least 20 times in my life and i’ve never not gotten the angel hair pasta. garlic, olive oil, basil with sun-dried tomatoes which i love. the pine nuts are pretty good too. the bread that it comes with it completes the dish. it’s a combination that i just can’t say no to.

that being said, this dish has always been hit or miss with me. sometimes it’s incredibly good and i’m left wanting more. other times, i’m struggling to finish the plate. rarely do i find myself being simply content with the angel hair. i’m not sure exactly what causes the fluctuation of satisfaction.

today’s meal, unfortunately was on the bad side.

to finish off the meal, because jennifer had never tried it, we got the pizookie. vanilla ice cream on top of a half-baked cookie. we tried a half chocolate chip/half oreo cookie. i’m salivating just thinking about it now…

the overall:
let’s see. pasta, pizza, pizookie, soup. came out to about 30 bucks. i suppose that’s pretty steep for a lunch but about par for a dinner for two.

– incredibly good dessert
– occasionally excellent pasta
– easy parking
– service was mediocre (usually they’re better)
– every sports channel
– trendy atmosphere

will i go back? yah, of course.
do i recommend it? yah. the food isn’t spectacular but i’d say it’s above average. i’ve actually never tried their pizza before (surprisingly) but i’ve heard from others that it’s really good. first-timers with sweet-tooths need to get the pizookie. (is the plural of sweet-tooth, sweet-teeth?)

try this:
next time you go to bj’s, ask the waiter what bj’s stands for. apparently no one knows.

6

the dancer – spin spin spin

danny sent me this gif.

is she spinning clockwise?
or counterclockwise?

apparently, the way she spins dictates whether the viewer is left brained or right brained

clockwise (right brain)
simultaneous
holistic
imagistic
intuitive
holistical algorithmic processing
mathematics: perception of shapes/moties
present and future
language: intonation/emphasis

counter-clockwise (left brain)
sequential
analytical
verbal
logical
linear algorithmic processing
mathematics: perception of counting/measurement
present and past
language: grammar/words, pattern perception

for the life of me, i couldn’t see the dancer spinning counter-clockwise. then, after looking away for a second, i suddenly see her spinning the opposite direction.

i’m pretty much convinced this is a trick. my left brain tells me i have to figure this out. so, i, of course, have to analyze it.

here’s what i found:
the spinning image is simply a gif file.
i easily split the gif file into separate pictures.
there’s no trick. the picture doesn’t just randomly reverse directions. it just goes through the series of pictures over and over again
it IS an optical illusion.

so, how do you train it?
i figured out how to trick my mind pretty easily for this illusion. i’m assuming that most people should initially see this going clockwise. (more on this later). using firefox in a non-maximized window, you can actually stop the gif by clicking and holding onto the title bar. (ie. for this page, it’d be where it says, “welcome back – mozilla firefox).

stop the dancer’s foot when it’s at the farthest left.

now look away from the dancer, preferably for me, above her, until the foot is barely in peripheral vision. now just imagine the foot going the opposite direction. imagine the foot coming toward you, then unclick.

she should be spinning the opposite direction. if she’s not, try to get her foot to be even further in your peripheral vision.

to reverse her spinning (back to clockwise), just pause her foot at the farthest right and imagine.

after a while it gets a lot easier to do. i can almost make her move back and forth without the need to pause.

the problem with the gif
i think the fundamental problem with this gif is that it needs a starting point. if you look at the first picture on the right side, her foot starts from middle going right.

i believe, and of course i could be wrong, but if the gif actually started with image 15 (her foot in the middle, going left), people would generally be seeing the girl turn counterclockwise.

cool illusion nonetheless

split images can be found here


































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