Sometimes, when no one is looking, I like to sink to the bottom of the pool and look up at the surface. I feel a serene stillness when I see the chaotic rippling above me. Sound becomes empty and secondary. As my lungs ache for air, the difference between life and death is counted in precious seconds. God slows down the world for me so I can breathe.

I’ve been spinning in the morning. Then I’ve been swimming. In all other times, I’ve been struggling to stay awake. According to self.com, I burn somewhere from 1000 to 2000 calories in the morning.

After 2 weeks of it, it’s equated to me losing about 2 pounds. I didn’t really expect much but I did figure I’d be under 170 by now.

It’s not so bad; My clothes are starting to fit better so there must be something going on.

It’s funny how things in life seem to always relate to each other. In Bio, we’re learning about carbohydrates and the differences of each -ose. After spin, my coach told everyone to eat complex carbs, not simple carbs. I instantly knew what he was talking about.

After the pep-talk, I vowed to not drink as much Pepsi. After class, Jessica and I went to my new favorite place, Sbarro’s and she asked me if I wanted a Pepsi. I couldn’t say no.

What is this hold you have on me? Why can’t I shake your sweetness on my tongue? You’re so good, yet so bad. My mouth waters for you; my heart yearns for you.

My empty carbs consumption (ie. pepsi, cinnamon rolls, ice cream) probably equates to my exercise burn. If I could just stop eating badly and continue to exercise, imagine the possibilities.

The irony of all the cardiovascular exercise I do is that I turn out to be even more tired than when I don’t do exercise. Sure I can now swim 25 meters without much thought and bike for an hour, but at 12 o’clock when I walk up the stairs for Bio, my quads are killing me. Whenever I’m not exercising, I’m recovering from it. So I feel worse off than usual.

so..

I don’t feel good when I exercise because I’m tired from the exercise. When I don’t exercise, I don’t feel good because I need to exercise.

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