next time you’re alone at night… listen. it only works at the dead of night. after everyone has gone to sleep. all the lights have been turned off. the familiar hum of your computer is dead. even the occasional sound of car rumbling by is only a memory. wait till the dogs of the neighborhood have no reason to bark and the crickets have no reason to chirp. then listen. do it, while you’re comfortably wrapped in your blanket and when every muscle in your body is relaxed. listen and you’ll hear it. an gradually it’ll get louder. it’ll start to blair. it’ll begin to peirce your ears. as it echoes back in forth in your head, your mind will begin to go.. it’ll grow too loud.. late at night, try this. listen to the loud silence.

the first and only person i’ve ever talked to about this is m&m.; i used to listen to this loud silence at her house. although it’s a little different there.. you go into her backyard. and you look down and you can see the skyscapers of LA and the lights of glendale. and you sit back and listen.. and you hear the roar of nothingness in the air. silence is a scary thing.. i remember when i was younger i’d look at my grandfather who’s had a hearing aid since i remember.. and thinking.. what if i can’t hear. the problem with silence is.. that.. you start to think. at one point.. you can’t tell whether it’s the lack of sound that bounces in your head.. or your thoughts.. you start getting comfortable with it. you get it undercontrol. and you feel a peace in your head. you become in awe of the silence.. next time you’re alone..try to listen to this.. and tell me how it feels.

like ripples in a pond

TiMeT O ImTiM: like ripples in a pond

gnapower: ripples?

TiMeT O ImTiM: we’re connected

TiMeT O ImTiM: when you care about someone

TiMeT O ImTiM: you’re in the same pond with them

TiMeT O ImTiM: and everyone you care about is in that pond with you

TiMeT O ImTiM: and if a stone of trouble is thrown into your part of the pond

TiMeT O ImTiM: it makes ripples

TiMeT O ImTiM: and it affects everyone else

gnapower: so if even one little pebble is thrown in, that many ppl are affected

TiMeT O ImTiM: yup, when your’e hurt

TiMeT O ImTiM: i feel it

gnapower: wow, i never thought of it that way

gnapower: and when you’re hurt, i feel it too

i’m an individual.. and i like being one. if you know me, you know i like going on my own and marching to my own drummer. i’m never compelled to lead anything, and i’m never obligated to follow. but as seperate as i try to be, i am not alone. chances are, if you’re reading this post, you’re in that pond with me. i know i cause a lot of trouble sometimes.. and i think i’m the one that always starts the waves.. i’m sorry… just know.. that when’re you’re troubled.. i feel it too..

i don’t know what to say in this post.. it’s been a while since i wrote here.. and a lots happened since. what happened in the last post is really a vague memory to me. i guess i blocked it out. i remember feeling helpless. i remember feeling alone. i remember fake smiles and real ones. i remember my friends. i miss my friends. some more and more each day.. i don’t miss some of them though.. i realize how many hours i wasted with them. i made some new friends since.. i’ve pushed some away. i grown close to one. and the person i miss more and more. it’s a new year again.. and again a new beginning.. i’m in a new school. have to start all over again. change is good when change is good. i need to change. i want to learn the drums. i want to buy a snow board. i want to buy a xbox. i want to go to the gym. it’s been a while since i went. been a while since i did many things. been a while since i was myself. or the person i think is myself. i want to know how to smile. i’m starting to feel alone. i don’t know what to say in this post. it’s been awhile since wrote in here. a lots happened since.