i was looking my last post. i think if saw brandi carlile on the street, i’d find her to be an average or possibly ugly woman. but for some reason, while watching the music video, i’m oddly drawn to her. i think it’s because of her ability to sing with passion and probably because of her ability to play the instrument strapped to her body.

i wonder though…

i think it’s the first time i’ve posted anything from youtube. the post before, i posted poetry i heard on the simpsons. the post before that was what i did that day. the day before was a website update.

there’s really no general topic i ever cover. no bit of information or expertise that i really offer. i don’t have pretty pictures like my sister’s site or announcements like the church website should give. before i made comments there was virtually no interaction.

essentially.. this blog or rather anyone’s blog is a diary. the posts are filled with what i like, what my mood is, what happened. rarely do i make a private post that only i can see. (and joanne). other than the occasional hit i get on my website regarding my car computer, the hits come from people wanting to read my diary. and yet every day, i check my counter and i have more and more hits.

it’ll be interesting to see years from now the psychological effect of the blog. never in any time in history had it been so easy to voice an opinion in a public forum. never has it been so easy to peek into someone else’s life. i’m not into facebook and only check my myspace when people leave messages, which is close to never. i rarely go on friendster. i tend to like to keep to myself.

these sites seem to be the fad these days. seems whenever i open jennifer’s computer her facebook page is open and andy occasionally fills me into the latest victim he’s been stalking. suddenly, having voyeuristic tendencies isn’t so bad.. isn’t frowned upon.

so i wonder again..

what’re you looking for when you look at this site?

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you Oh,
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do and I was made for you

You see the smile that’s on my mouth
Its hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what I’ve been through like you do
And I was made for you…

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am Oh,
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to
It’s true…I was made for you

Yeah its true, i was made for you
– the story

it’s raining…

i usually love the rain. God’s reminder that He’s there, is what i tell myself. But i’m not feeling it today. While the sane of the world slept in their comfortable beds last night at 3 in the morning, i went downstairs to my car to get a gift bag.

in the rainbow colored sack was a bag of flaming hot fries and a wild cherry pepsi. i ate and drank and it was good. after midnight, i ignore the 600 calories inside the flaming hot fries. and my better judgment leaves me. even now, as i write about the fries, i want to drive to 7-11 to buy a delicious bag. in a post-midnight epiphany i realzed the surgeon general may say that cigarettes are addictive, but these MSG-coated finger-licking mouthwatering flaming hot fries are my obsession…

i also realized that wild cherry pepsi has 10 more calories than regular pepsi. i doubt they use actual cherries; i wonder what gives it that cherry kick.

i slept hours after i ate and drank so merrily. i awoke too soon after to the sound of my phone beckoning my attention. an intense pain pulsed in the center of my head.

i had to make a decision this month. pay my cellphone bill or get to eat. i chose the former. i feel a bitterness toward this phone since. other than for the time, a text or an occasional picture, i hate this phone. it’s like a chain anchored onto my normally unattached body. every time it rings, it’s someone who wants something; needs me to do something.

i scurried across my oversize bed. ‘mom’ was highlighted in light blue across my phone display. the intercom in my home has probably been used more by visitors than those in our household. my mom chooses to call me instead. i ignored it and closed my eyes.

the phone rang again. what i perceived to be only moments later was actually hours. i ignored it again.

—-

i awake with the same throbbing pain. now my left ear feels plugged and i have a odd numb tingling sensation throughout my body. no more flaming hot fries for me. at least not after midnight.

i start my routine.

i’m very much a creature of habit. i open my eyes then check the time. i turn on the computer and head for the bathroom. then i open up firefox and check the same websites. juno.com. gmail.com. sitemeter.com. dodgers.com. my rss feeds. xanga. in that order.

today, i just don’t feel right. and it’s raining.

i blame sarah and joey for the rain. it’s murphy’s law. decent weather in california is always interrupted when visitors come expecting sun. when it rains and i’m sick, i feel like i’m in grade school. it’s lunch time, the longest recess, but it’s raining, so we all have to stay inside our classroom. where’s God?

i’m going to lie down

i had a really hard time with verb tense while writing. hope what i wrote made sense

test

update – realized something was wrong with my archives. it has to do with me running an old blogger. apparently now, blogger doesn’t automatically compile an archive file and the only way to archive is through a side bar. me having 6 years of archives and almost a post every month, it came out to about 70 extra links on the sidebar. so i added a drop down menu.

i also made some cosmetic changes but i’m not sure if i like it.