i should probably be writing my paper right now. keyword today is procrastination. the same word as yesterday and the day before. my procrastination has caused me to live hours of operation that have been more than off the last few days. i find myself needing major sleep in the middle of the day. not just naps, but complete body exhausted sleep.

i love sunsets. maybe as a californian i’ve been trained to love watching the sunset because of it’s blaze of brilliant orange/red/purple colors.

sunrise, however, is a different story. while writing this paper, i glanced over at my window and saw sunrise peeking through the blinds and my soul shivered to the core. after spending the last few hours in just my boxers, i suddenly have the urge to cover up. my heart is starting to feel a sense of impending doom.

i closed my blinds yet morning glory is still sneaking in. maybe i should shower to wash this feeling away.

i don’t like it. don’t like it at all

i guess the true irony of this post is that i don’t remember what i was going to write about. for the last couple days, i’ve been telling myself to write a blog about stml but now, when i finally sit down to type, i don’t recall what it’s supposed to be about. all i remember is the title.

(S) hort
(T) erm
(M) memory
(L) oss

i’ve been realizing that my memory has been becoming progressively worse. i’m not sure when this started. it’s possible that i’ve just always had a bad memory.

for as long as i can remember i’ve always struggled with names. it’s probably the main reason i hate large social gatherings. it’s worse when even the names of people who were once close to me escape me. i dread the chance encounter at random locations. the typical “hey tim!” is followed by the proverbial “hey… you.”

i then have to assess how close this person was.

oh they’re talking to me. they’re being pretty friendly. we must’ve been close. what was something we did together? who is someone we mutually know?

have you talked to (insert name) recently?
“not really”
oh..
*awkward silence*

ok.. i’m gonna go over there
*awkward exit*

i’ve always had a hard time with numbers. i’m not sure if it’s the memory or me just not trusting myself. it’s embarrassing when i walk into the wrong classrooms or forget where i parked my car. it becomes troublesome when i forget if i turned off my computer or the oven or the iron or if i locked the door.

i rely heavily on mnemonics i’ve used them for so long, it’s become pretty natural to me. i visualize scenes in my head to remember important information. i remember directions to laureen’s old house as being a story with a surfer. to find sam’s house i picture him walking up muscatel.

remembering birthdays is trickier. some are tied with screennames. aaron’s is the 22nd (aznnamja22). joe’s is may 30th (joeking 530). and so forth. then i connect them. monica is a day after joe’s. jessica’s is 2 weeks before aaron’s. then there’s the birthdays that remind me of other things. jullie is oct 27 (102.7). esther and ted are oct 4th (10-4). hannah, who i haven’t talked to in years is Mar 4th (march forth). then i connect again. grace’s birthday is before ted’s. and then there’s jennifer’s and my niece’s. gloria’s is two weeks before jullie’s.

sadly, i can’t remember the exact birthdays of jennifer cha, susan, arthur, joey and joanne, simply because i have no mnemonic to associate their birthdays to.

i’m sorry

having a grandfather who had Alzheimer’s, the problem becomes more than worrisome for me. studies show that “. . . people with at least one first-degree relative (parent or sibling) with Alzheimer’s disease are 3.5 times as likely to develop the disease” (Genetic Health). naturally, it becomes one of the many things i contemplate at night.

watching a tv show a couple days ago somewhat eased my mind. for the life of me, i can’t remember which show it was but the doctor gave the example that Alzheimer’s “. . . isn’t forgetting where you put your keys, it’s forgetting what your keys do.” i still remember what all my keys do. although i only have two keys so it might not be a good gauge.

i got to get out of here, the guy next to me smells like a cheap cologne i used to wear when i was younger. it’s making me sick

current weight: 164.8

i’m writing this post from the computer cafe. these computers are virtual crap. they’re still running windows 98. the desks are tiny and low to the ground. the seats are really low as well. the monitor is 15 inches i think. the walls are covered with blue wallpaper with little clouds.

the room makes me feel like i’m ten feet tall using a tiny computer.

i think i have writers block. i’ve been up all morning/afternoon writing a paper for english. for the first time, i drank an energy drink for the sole purpose of getting myself energized. bacchus. i don’t know why, but my fridge is full of them. it worked though; i felt alert.

lately, i’ve been realizing i suffer through caffeine withdrawals. if i don’t drink any caffeine, by the end of the day i feel sluggish. should i continue drinking stronger caffeinated drinks or stop cold turkey…

pepsi is just too good

the last couples days i’ve eaten:

4 wild oat granola bars
2 cans of pepsi
1 can of bacchus
8 tylenol
a footlong subway sandwich
a bag of sapporo ichiban
a bowl of chapagetti
3 rolls of hawaiian bread.

i’m sure there’s more i just don’t remember.

i’ve been working out faithfully the past few days. worked out thursday night, friday morning, took saturday off, football tournament sunday, and worked out twice on monday. i spent a total of 3.5 hours in the gym on monday.

worked out with jennifer shin monday night. there’s 2 types of work out buddies. those who complain and those who motivate. i think of all the girls i’ve worked out with, jennifer is the only one who fits in the latter group. working out with her, i realized i do mostly upper body work when i’m at the gym. When she works out, she does mostly lower body work. We force each other to do exercises we’re not used to.

which is a good thing…

she also somehow convinced me not to eat anything after the workout too.. how’d she do that?

unfortunately, what i expected has happened. the mass amounts of working out has caused me to gain, not lose weight. i feel good about myself though.

last weigh in = 168.6

my weight

i’ve been gaining weight. and lots of it. if i really think about it, i think it started sometime last fall. for whatever reason, i was struggling to maintain my equilibrium weight of 155. by the beginning of december, i shot up to 167; the highest i’ve ever been in my life. so, according to my lone december post by joanne i decided to diet.

after a strict diet of subway and diet soda, by january 4th, i was back to 157.

but i let myself go again. and started gaining weight again.
i think it started mid february and it hasn’t stop..

here’s the list of people and what they’ve said

jonathan – wow tim, you have a stomach.
james – yah, you do

joe – (touching my stomach) you’ve been gaining weight

sarah – you’re gaining weight; i don’t like it. don’t like it at all.

jennifer – you’re not fat; you’re chubby.

mom – (talking to my dad in korean at the dinner table with me sitting across from her) look at him, he’s gaining weight. wow, why’s he so fat?

uncle tom – so you’ve been gaining weight. maybe you should work out

the kicker was my grandfather last wednesday. family and tact never seem to work together. while my mom was on the phone, he said to her in korean, “oh, lynn won’s body is getting big.” because my mom has a one track mind, she could only pay attention to the phone. so he repeated it over and over again.

sidenote – i think when they talk in korean, they think i don’t understand

i weighed myself in april and i had climbed to an astronomic 172. yet i did nothing about it. but now i hear my grandfather’s words echoing in my head.

goals
1. get to 145
2. get a six pack
3. run 3 miles under 19 minutes.
4. be able to touch rim
5. learn to swim without flailing

i’ll set my deadline to august. against all diet advice, i’m going to check my weight every day; i’ll post my weight whenever i write a post.

last week, i had a terrible ear ache and i couldn’t eat so i’ve already lost weight. yesterday, i found my gym membership and went to the gym.

we’ll see how this goes.

my hair

last time i got my hair cut was about… 2 and a half months ago. hmm… thought it was longer. there’s such a big difference from really short hair to what my hair is now. i need to use so much more shampoo and the hair retains heat that i’m not used to. i want to cut it but i probably won’t. i’d say in a couple weeks, my sideburns will pass my earlobes.

i haven’t been gelling it; it’s too hard to. oddly, people have said they’ve liked. it’s even more odd when people ask me if i cut it. yes, i cut it longer. elliot said it was sexy which makes me look at him slightly differently now.

hair is very important to me. not sure how long i can go without cutting it.

going to the gym now

current weight: 165.4

not sure if any of you have read this. i find it some what ludicrous but i’m sure it’d interest a lot of you. pinkberry is being sued. why? because it’s apparently not yogurt. i don’t like the place but the lawsuit is stupid; i think some guy is just trying to find another way to make a quick buck.

what makes yogurt yogurt?

bacterial cultures.

apparently, although pinkberry’s fat free, “. . . the frozen treats don’t have the bacterial cultures that make yogurt good for you.” so pretty much it’s a smoothie.

here’s a link to the story on abc7.

my main argument against it of course is that you’re paying 5 bucks for ingredients that probably cost less than a buck to make. it’s just not worth it.

pinkberry part 1

on an unrelated note, apparently, according to wikipedia “The (boba) trend in the United States started by Lollicup in the city of San Gabriel, California and quickly spread throughout Southern California.”

who knew?