watch as tim’s world spins out of control. around and around it goes. and it’s only going faster… today was the periodical “you’re not good enough” speech given to me by my parents as usual. it’s the speech that goes, you’re just a waste of money. you’re always a failure. you can’t do anything right. what the hell is wrong with you, speech. the one where.. it’s not one speaker.. but both speakers teaming up together. telling you.. it’s all your fault. why are you such an idiot. i have no trust in you speech. i’m not sure if you heard it before. but.. i get it right before each quarter in school. and of course right before every major test. just so. my self esteem can be reduced beyond zero and my mind can become unfocused. but that right now.. is just.. a vague memory to me.. it doesn’t even matter to me anymore. my mind is spinning.. and it’s just.. going toward chaos. this week has been just.. an experience for me.. i’m starting to do things i’ve never done before.. saying things i just should have never said. being someone that.. i never wanted to be. i find myself becoming friendly with those i’d consider my biggest enemies.. and the ones closest to me.. i seem to be just pushing them away. everything is going through my head at 115 mph but it’s so much.. that it’s just.. nothing.. change change… i hate the word. though i’m so good to adapting to it.. it’s time to move on!.. but.. i like how things are now.. i like.. how comfortable i am at the moment.. be yourself!.. i don’t know who i am anymore. tim’s life has just become .. confusing. do what your heart says…. i’m too scared to now.. spin spin spin.. watch me spin out of control.