it’s almost exactly a week since the last time i’ve written here… i guess in a way i have a lot to write about.. a lot has happened since.. but.. i really don’t know what to write about.. what to talk about… maybe i’m feeling a little lazy.. i think it’s more of tired… i’m exhausted.. and i’m not sure exactly why i feel that way..

catalina was.. cold.. my allergies were running a muck too… at one point.. i coughed so hard.. my right contact popped out… for some reason.. i couldn’t sleep at night because of muscle aches… the first night it was only my back that was killing me.. the second night was my whole body.. i literally thought i was going to die that night.. every muscle in my body was screaming for help… growing pains maybe?.. i doubt it… though.. i technically never went through them… technically i never went through the.. whole.. voice changing/breaking stage either.. it was just a gradual thing..

jina told me a while back that i should write a journal to let out emotions so i don’t bottle them up.. that’s what this websites for.. i have much past history of lashing out.. i realize.. i’m a very angry individual.. and i’m a very insecure one too… i’m not sure what i’m angry about.. and i don’t know what i’m afraid of.. but.. i think both emotions just fuel each other.. and… burn me deep inside.. who knows what the long term effects of that will be…

i’m waiting for something good to happen in my life.. something that doesn’t have strings… i’m so sick of strings.. sick of having to pretend to be totally happy even though things didn’t turn out quite right… i don’t like talking about this.. cause i don’t want to seem like a whining about it… it irritates the hell out of me.. when other people bitch about their lives.. “o.. life sucks.. boo hoo”… get over yourself.. i don’t want to be like one of them… sigh.. don’t mind me..

i’m just a little exhausted right now..

or maybe just tired..

or maybe i’m just being a little lazy