alright.. flash back 1-02-04… here were my resolutions

buy a new instrument –

got my stephanie

stay vegetarian –

still.. going strong

give blood 6 times – hmm.. i don’t think i got this one

tell someone i love them –

tell someone i like them –

be able to do 25 pull ups by june; 40 by december –

although.. by summer i was able to do 20.. breaking my arm has probably reduced that

do something i didn’t know i could do –

yah.. many things

be certified in something – no

finally get a pcc id card –

bench more than my weight –

i did for a time, probably can’t anymore

trust myself –

a little wary sometimes

trust God –

yah.. sometimes that’s all i have

set out a plan –

yup.. i’ve got my next 2 or so years in check

finish my song – gotta work on this one

i’ll… make a new resolution for next year in a little bit… anyways.. i think that’s 11/14? that’s a pretty good ratio.. hopefully next year will be just as good

joe, jenn, and me on our last run

girl’s at jina’s b-day

jina =)

jay w/ chaos behind him

well.. sorry for not posting of late. if you don’t know why.. well.. it’s because i broke my elbow a couple weeks ago.. and it’s hard enough to type with one hand on aim.. writing paragraph after paragraph on a blog is pushing it.

as if i’m wolverine.. i already have my cast off after a week and a half. my first doctor said i might need surgery. my second said i probably have torn ligaments.. the doctor i saw today, he said i still had a broken bone.. but i’d be fine… so i have no cast…

“everything happens for a reason…”

breaking my bone forced me to have to talk to my mom. i was furious with her and the first thought after breaking my arm.. after wondering if i made the goal.. was that this would force me to have to talk to her…. my mom came to the ER that day.. and in the middle of hospital with only a thin cloth curtain as our barrier from the outside world, her and i verbally sparred.

no nurse or doctor came in until we stopped. there were no sounds from outside that curtain. for a time, it seemed God.. wanted us to finish what we had to say..

in the end.. i got to speak my mind.. and i told her about my future plans.. she.. was in turn… amazingly understanding.. surprisingly.. i was ready for her to bite my head off..

another blessing of this broken bone.. was i got to see how the praise team would do without me. they’re still rough around the edges but.. they’re getting pretty good.

all this.. and it looks like i’ll still be able to snowboard this winter…

Thank God…


Dear God,

you lead me,

i will follow.

give me a sign.


*if none of this made sense.. well.. i took me a long time to write this cause i kept getting distracted…

what’s wrong with this picture

What am I to you?

Tell me darlin’ true

To me you are the sea

Vast as you can be

And deep the shade of blue

When you’re feelin’ low

To whom else do you go?

I’d cry if you hurt

I’d give you my last shirt

Because I love you so

Now if my sky should fall

Would you even call?

I’ve opened up my heart

I never want to part

I’m givin’ you the ball

When I look in your eyes

I can feel the butterflies

I’ll love you when you’re blue

But tell me darlin’ true

What am I to you?

If my sky should fall

Would you even call?

I’ve opened up my heart

I never wanna part

I’m givin’ you the ball

When I look in you eyes

I can feel the butterflies

Could you find a love in me?

Would you carve me in a tree?

Don’t fill my heart with lies

I will love you when you’re blue

But tell me darlin’ true

What am I to you?


to watch her put this link in winamp

well.. looking at the stats for this website, i realized.. the next hit is going to be my 10,000th hit since i added the counter 3 years ago. this is quite an accomplishment for me.. this website being not a xanga site and having no links to it other than my own buddy profile.

as appreciation.. i’m giving free ice cream at coldstones to the one that got me over the top. if you’re reading this.. chances are you’re the one! sign my guestbook or im me.. (it’ll probably be easier to sign my guestbook.. i’d appreciate it more) and i’ll get back to you to see if you were the 10000th. if you live far away.. this might be harder.. because i’d want to eat some too..

chances are… the hit will come from either susan, jonathan or grace… but who knows

there’s a chance the hit will come before i finish this blog.. hehe

looking over my guestbook hits.. it’s like.. a time capsule for me. i see who was important to me.. who was part of my life… who was thinking of me. some names surprise me.. some names.. don’t.. (like every other one seems to be a grace).. hit up my guestbook and.. well.. you’ll share that place in my memory..

i’ve had quite a bit of hidden guestbook hits of late…

sometimes.. though.. when i look over my blogger archives.. i realize.. i leave out a lot of things.. i leave out my deepest feelings whether they may be good or bad. i rarely ever talk about people in general. i’ve only directly written the word “Grace” 11 times in the past 3 years and they’re not all about the same people. the only times i’m truly true to myself is when i write the prayers.

maybe i should rename this to

that being said.. i think you can sense my inner emotions in my blogs. when i’m sad.. i seem to write more depressing things.. when i’m happy.. it shows in the writing. when i’m.. blah.. i don’t seem to write as much. it’s what’s really written in between the lines that’s important.

i take this blog not as a diary.. but a journal.. when i first started this.. i was a deeply emotional guy.. not that i’m not now.. i was told i needed a place to vent my emotions and i think it’s helped a lot..

i thank you for being a part of this blog and this life of mine.

the last couple weeks have been really interesting for me. if you’ve been looking for me to post.. i’m sorry.. i’ve been trying to keep myself away from the computer of late. that’s proven to be a little problematic for me being a cs major and all.

i revisited my past a couple times .. and made plans for my future.

i did something i thought i never could do.. and did something i never wanted to do. i realized.. i’m not as stubborn as i once was.. i’m not as unhappy as i once thought.

love was again.. the underlying theme of my life. it’s an amazing thing… something i still quite haven’t understood. is it a feeling or.. is it more? grace is amazing as well. it has enabled me to atone for my biggest roadblock in my spiritual life. now.. i can grow again. now i can move.

all i can do is trust God. i don’t know what tomorrow’ll bring but… i trust that i’ll be able to face it. i trust it’ll turn out good at the end.

contemplating shaving my head