i’m on exposure number 22 on my roll of film of 24. i’m not sure how old the film is in the camera.. but i know there are a couple things in there that could date it… i remember taking a picture of my car just passing 30000 miles, and now i’m at about 42k. there’s a picture of jina i specifically remember taking before she could drive… why i remember this.. is reason of my own….

so the film may be .. two years old? i’m contemplating.. not developing the film and just keeping all the memories as just memories. maybe there’s memories in the film that i don’t want to remember. memories i just want to keep hidden away from me

a lot happens in a 2 years.. man.. a lot can happen in a day. changes that could happen in 2 years are exponential..

here’s the thing.. i came across a crossroad in my life.. a decision i had to make. an opportunity that i’d regret not taking. and let it be known that on this date.. april.. 13 is it?… that i made the decision that will set me on a path that takes me to a completely different place from if i stayed on the other. two roads diverged in a yellow wood and where either leads i do not know. but at least now i’m not standing around looking at the road signs.

i’m sure many a time i’ll look back and think.. what would’ve happened if i chose the other path.

have you ever felt like.. you’re about to start a new book in your life. a new chapter? well.. that’s how i feel. have you ever read a book series? books with a lot of sequels. you see.. the first couple chapters in ever sequel is just recap. it introduces you to the characters again as if you never knew them and then the main character goes on a new adventure. well i feel like my book is about to end and i’m about to write the sequel. i feel like.. i’m going to be leaving a lot behind. and.. i’m starting on a new adventure.

if you don’t know what i’m talking about.. well.. i’m sorry. it’s hard to write this so vaguely. i’m sure you’ll eventually figure it out though.

i’ll be finishing this roll of film one of these days. 2 more exposures left. i wonder what those two pictures will be of. i’ll probably end up developing this film and reminiscing about past memories.. and afterwards.. i’ll maybe put in a new roll of film… and i will make new memories in that camera.

* if you’re bitter that i didn’t tell you, laureen, april 8, 2004