this shouldn’t even be titled midnight.. more like.. early morning.. shouldn’t even be labeled ramblings.. it’s going to be just pure jibberish. lying in bed.. i felt i shouldn’t go to sleep until i put my thoughts on paper.. yet there may be too many thoughts.. making it.. in a sense.. no thought..

i’m starting to shake for some reason.. my stomach’s grumbling.. today.. i ate.. 4 slices of toast. 3 bowls of ice cream. not exactly healthy food. but gives me energy to go..

i need to talk to someone. but it’s 4 in the morning. i’m not sure what i need to talk about either… i just need to talk.. and.. have someone listen. probably what i’d say wouldn’t make sense either way.. i just…

has something ever happened to you, where you just don’t know how you’re supposed to react? you’re not sure exactly what to say/do/think. the road my undramatic life was driving on just hit a uturn. i’m not saying it just became dramatic.. just..

i’m not sure

i’m not sure what i’m suppose to think. it’s complicated. but i don’t know why it is. i’m not particularly sad or depressed.. i don’t feel angry or.. bitter. i just feel.. i don’t know this feeling.. it’s such a weird feeling.

randomly.. i was driving to the san marino bofa from my house. on the way i thought to myself, ever since i moved, there’s an atm running distance from my house. why am i going to the san marino?.. and as i was thinking this.. i thought.. hmmm.. even my old house is closer to that atm than san marino… by then. i was more than halfway to the san marino bofa.. so i just kept going there..

i’m set in my old ways.. odd ways.. and it causes things to repeat. deja vu all over again to a lesser extend.

what God? what?

what is with this need to just forget? i don’t know why this is in my head these days.. we fight today… but tomorrow it’d be ok.. next week it will be forgotten.. is that a good thing? is it?

what would you do if i just up and left? didn’t post anymore. didn’t come and visit. would you forgive me for it.. would you forget me? would i hold a place in your heart? this is what i do.. this is who i am. i’m too stubborn to call. i’m too stubborn to im. too lazy to answer the phone.

it’s no question why i change my friends so often. it’s no question why those that fight to keep in touch with me are the ones i hold most dear to me. it’s something i should change.. but i doubt i will.. it’s just who i am… what i do..

i forget.

make me remember
make me understand
uncomplicate things
make it simple
i want to know why

i’m fine.