i specifically remember a sermon illustration that pastor ahn did years ago when he used to be the pastor of our church. if i remember correctly, it was one of his last sermons so the message was supposed to be that much more important.

it went something like this

“a group of pastors met together to talk about church related things. the discussion turned to bibles. at the time, the new living translation had just come into being and bible translations was the topic of the hour. the pastors began to discuss which bible was the best. one of the older pastors in the group stood up and proclaimed it was the king james version because it was the old and stood the test of time. a younger pastor announced it was the new living translation because it’s ease to read. other pastors argued that the only way to read the bible was through direct translation from the greek and hebrew bible. the group started to become louder and chaotic.

finally, one quiet pastor stood up and said his piece. the best bible is the bible my father used. the one my father studied from. the one he took notes in. the one that he used to live his life.”

this is how i remember pastor ahn telling the story, though i just found in this website that it’s supposed to be said different. search greg ebie on the page if you want to find it.

i remember this one illustration by pastor ahn. i remember because while the rest of the congregation took in the story and nodded in acceptance of this thought-provoking response, i thought to myself…

what a stupid answer. the last pastor’s answer doesn’t solve anything. sure, it’s a feel good answer, but the original question truly isn’t solved. but we walk away as if it did. cop out answer

there was a meeting at church to discuss the nature of the church. it was called on by richard bae. ignoring the 1 hour extension of the meeting discussing the evils of drums at church, the affair was an excruciating hour and half long.

some conclusions that were made

  1. the church is dying
  2. something needs to be done
  3. everyone wants something to be done
  4. everyone wants someone else to do it


we also realized the “leaders” don’t know each other and the lack of sabbath school is a problem. here was my suggestion:

like we did years ago, for sabbath school, each “leader” should talk about their daily life and how God is a part of it. i also added that each leader should also explain how and why they’re currently christians. i also said i’d organize it because no one else was going to.

richard bae said the board would think about it.

later in the meeting, my uncle tom said something profound. “to make the church more spiritual, we need to have God in our thoughts.”

interesting comment. makes sense.
cop out answer.

thankfully, ben being there pointed it out. the fact that eight of us non-board members were at the meeting showed we wanted more. we wanted a more God-centric church.

the meeting ended with richard bae saying the board would discuss it.

it’s been two weeks. still no word. no sabbath school. and this church seems to be dying ever more. everyone knows it but what was once concern, now has become apathy.

like a captain to his ship, i find my spirituality going down with the church.

this post might be slightly nonsensical. i was interrupted more than a few times in the middle of writing the post and lost my train of thought most of those times


mmmm... wateryou are wrong, dr rhee.

i like learning new facts.
i like spewing them too.
that’s why you can find me occasionally being skeptical about facts people say to me because i know later i’ll repeat the same facts to someone else. unless they’re God, i like to double check what they say.

i don’t like to be proven wrong.

dr rhee came and spoke to us this weekend. i met him before and have fond memories of it. at kayamm my second time through, i underwent a severe case of food poisoning. i was bed ridden for two days with no end in sight. dr rhee came to speak to us and i was brought before him like a cripple through a ceiling. his decree; take ten charcoal pills and thou shalt be healed.

i was up and mobile a few hours after.

since then, i’ve held dr rhee in high esteem. i honked with my fellow kayamm-ers after he told the geese story and believed love-tones could make water to wine. after his water seminar at church, he had me and everyone else convinced to drink water.

8 cups a day, that’s the NUstart way

i open my.yahoo.com page; this article speaks to me.
is bottled water really better than tap?

from the article it states-

“Should we be counting water consumption like calories? No. According to the IOM report, thirst is an adequate guide for almost all healthy people for meeting their daily needs. The report set no upper limit on fluid intake, but noted that excessive amounts can be dangerous.”

this goes completely against what dr. rhee said. the rest of the article talks about how bottled and tap water is about the same.

this made me think. yah, yahoo says it but is it really true. i need to research it
i google 8 cups a day.

the first hit calls to me. straight from harvard health publications. published only 2 years ago. the same school that dr. rhee said “recommends” at least 6 cups a day.

We’ve heard it for decades: Drink at least 8 cups of water a day. Not only can three out of four adults recite this bit of health wisdom, but many even feel guilty if they don’t meet the standard. However, this advice may be based on a misunderstanding. Some trace it to the 1940s, when the National Academy of Sciences published a recommended daily allowance of 1 milliliter of fluid for each calorie burned—a little over 8 cups for a typical 2,000-calorie diet. However, the statement also explained that most of this fluid could be obtained via the liquid contained in foods.

read more the article and it says liquid can be obtained in most of what we eat and drink. it doesn’t have to just be water.

if you read the rest of the hits, seldom do you see any site advocating the eight cups a day rule.

don’t get me wrong. dr. rhee is obviously a very intelligent man. but everyone has their own personal motives. his is to push the NUstart creed. i was telling someone earlier this week that any scientific study could be skewed to make any thing seem right. the tobacco and alcohol industries are kings at it.

i’m sure there’s some credence to what dr. rhee said this weekend. but the facts aren’t adding up and he’s not God. you have to show me more proof.


it’s been about two weeks since my last update. in all honesty, i didn’t realize it was that long ago. i’m writing from the computer lab and as i’m speaking i see a little ticker counting down the end of this session.

i probably won’t stay here long enough to see the end of it

i’m incredibly hungry.

i think having a blog consumes my very soul. at night, before i sleep, i make promises to myself, searching for ideas to post on the blog so my loyal readers would be satisfied. by morning, most of the ideas have faded. i could write about the countless movies i’ve seen in the last couple months. about praise and it’s practice. about people i miss and don’t miss. about how i get phone reception in this basement. or about time.

lately, i’ve been contemplating how tedious sports are. don’t get me wrong; i love playing. but as i was repeatedly returning spin and curve from elliot last saturday, i wondered.. we play to twenty-one, then we start again at zero.

pastor alex is leaving this week. without realization, he became an important piece in my practically non-existant religious life. someone new will come along in time, soon or distant, and the void he left will be filled. i’m old enough to know and understand the cycle of it. there are endings and there are beginnings. people move on and so must i.

but it becomes tedious; the getting-to-know-each-other phase and the feeling-each-other-out phase, starting from zero. it’s time-consuming, frustrating and unproductive.

and sometimes i don’t want to start again knowing it’ll once again stop.

but that’s life. to keep dragging along in the start-again/stop-again. for a moment though, i’m going to just sit back and bask in the bliss that is consistency.

i miss those that aren’t here, and those that are going away. but for now, i’m going to appreciate what i have.


“100 men were surveyed,
what country has the most intriguing woman?”
good answer, good answer

“oh.. that’s the number 2 answer. you have a chance to take it, what country has the most intriguing woman?”
incredulous clapping from her family

i wonder about people that get their 15 minutes by being on a game show on tv. i wonder.. those that do something stupid on tv, do they regret it? you see those reality shows and the recaps of people years after the show, and a trend i notice is all the fat people tend to lose significant amounts of weight.

for some reason, i cringe whenever i see koreans on tv. Not the two from Lost. They don’t bother me. but like… Paul Kim. I took a nap yesterday and woke up with the tv on in time to see the first person to be kicked of american idol this year.

when he talked, i thought, what a goober.


this was the first time i’ve watched family feud in a while. i used to like that one short host from years ago; the one before louie anderson. what happened to al? why isn’t he the host anymore. what you may know is the current host was a character on seinfeld who was elaine’s boss. he played a fictional j. peterman from the j. peterman catalog. what you may not know is that the j. peterman catalog was doing poorly and they approached the guy from seinfeld and now he’s on the board of the catalog and it’s now doing ok.

same question, another woman was asked.
“what country has the most intriguing woman?”

*roll eyes

conclusion: tv makes you dumb

the top answer, btw, was obviously the US

update: so i told about the family feud thing at church yesterday. not really because i thought it was funny, but to see what people would say. surprising how many people think london is a country.

generally, i sit in the back of every class.

as the teacher was going over the syllabus yesterday, the guy two seats in front of me needed to nervously ask a question. he would raise his hand, but (assuming he was trying not to be rude) lowered his hand every time the teacher looked the student’s way when the teacher was mid sentence. this teacher likes to talk without having breaks in his sentences.

this charade went on for at least five minutes.

i just looked at the guy next to me and rolled my eyes.

i realize i read a lot. i just don’t read a lot of books. i read the newspaper. i read sports articles on the net.

quoted from an article about the jason kidd

Nets president Rod Thorn told ESPN Insider’s Chris Sheridan on Sunday that there was only a “5 percent chance” that he would trade anyone on his roster by Thursday’s deadline.”

5%? How does the Nets president get that number? Can he perceive exactly 20 different realities and in only one of those is kidd traded?

the use of number percentages on arbitrary terms is simply ludicrous.

people that wear bluetooth headsets all the time.

i don’t think i have to say more about that

what is up with this weather?

i don’t care that derek jeter and a-rod are no longer best friends. i don’t care britney spears checked out of rehab. i don’t care where anna nicole gets buried.

side notes
1. as i predicted, joanne gets ice cream for signing my guestbook
2. though sarah was second, she’ll get ice cream just because it was her birthday

five brownie points to the person that can tell me where i stole this background from. if i counted up all the brownie points i gave, i think gloria would have the most. i’ll keep track of brownie points (for no reason other than to keep track) i’m not exactly sure what brownie points are. i’m assuming it has to do with the female equivalent of cub scouts.


i’ve been going to the gym a lot more lately. and if i don’t go to the gym, i’m doing sets upon reps on situps/pushups. last summer, a girl told me she liked big arms and yesterday, i measured my arms and they’re now 2 inches bigger since that conversation. (though they’re still puny)

someone told me in the beginning of january that she liked six packs. so. guess what i’ve been working on…

in the gym, there are a lot of mirrors

i wish i wasn’t a peacock

at the gym, everyone’s flashing their feathers. there’s no question why there’s so many mirrors at the gym. i look at myself and think.. yah.. i’m getting big. yah.. i’m losing weight. yah.. look at me.

i wish i wasn’t like that. wish i didn’t care. wish i could be confident enough of myself to not have to think about this.

but, i am a peacock, too.


without missing a beat, sarah has already asked me to post about something. this something is probably a thing that i’ve struggled with the most in my life. this something is forgiveness.

i’m not sure what to write about because this concept is still something i’m working on. so i’ll just write what’s on my mind

where to start…

though my sister and i are more than a few years apart, i’ve always been close to her. of course, this doesn’t mean we didn’t fight growing up. we’d scream at each other, throw markers, scar each other physically. the funny thing about it was within a few hours after the fight, we’d watch tv together as if nothing happened. we’d never say sorry. we’d just never mention what we fought about we just moved on.

that was easy forgiveness

forgiveness is not forgetting (which is what i once believed). ask a beaten wife to forget the actions of her drunken husband. ask an abused child to forget his molester.

forgiveness is not forgetting. it’s moving on.

i guess the hardest time for me to forgive comes in two times and my attitude toward one is probably directly related to the other. those two times come in regards to my mom and to my past relationships.

i was latchkey’s kid. i still am i suppose. while my grade school mates went home to their afternoon snacks and clean houses, my sister and i came home to each other. my mom believes the way to show love to us is to always be financially stable. happiness is directly related to how much money is saved in the bank. it’s a mantra that i fight with every day.

i never knew we were rich… (i’d feel guilty for every penny i asked for) till the day i went to la sierra, and my mom paid for my full tuition without batting an eye.

when i was in eighth grade, my sister graduated high school and went to puc. after school, i’d ride my bike home to an empty house. i specifically remember my aunt once remarking to me that it must be nice to come home and have no supervision. at the time, i suppose it was. but what i didn’t know then that i know now is that it started building this bitterness toward my mom that still exists today.

i love my dad

i eat pizza with him every friday. try to at least. the chinese worker at pizza hut knows him well enough to exchange pizza for money without saying a word. looking back, i realize my dad would call me up at least once a week to eat dinner. my dad works just as much as my mom.

after 8th grade, i didn’t know what a home-cooked meal was. i eat out constantly. and people ask me how i do it. what else is there to eat?

i have a hard time forgiving my mom. forgiving her for anything is near impossible because she has this ability to make me feel like it’s my fault anyway. without fail, my mom has a nose to know when i have an important paper due or a final project. and with precision, she snipes any self-esteem i have left.

i’m a failure

i think this is where past failed relationships are related. forgiveness isn’t forgetting; it’s saying it doesn’t matter.

why is it hard for me to forgive people in the past? because:
1. maybe i’m the one at fault
2. the forgiveness is required in friendships that don’t exist anymore.
i think harboring resentment/bitterness toward someone is sometimes the last emotion that i can hold to that person. and letting go of that means i’m letting go of what i have left of that person.

hate is not the opposite of love, it’s indifference. what is the opposite of hate then?

i think, a lot of times, i don’t/can’t forgive my mom because i (don’t want to)/can’t say it doesn’t matter anymore. my childhood mattered. my relationship with you mattered. i still do care. i need something to hold on to.

i’m sure there are great flaws in my belief. i used to never say i was sorry till a past relationship. now i feel i can say it without much thought.

forgiveness is a difficult difficult thing; something i need to work on; struggle with; can’t get over.

i’m going to be late to church